This book is dense too. It's not like a Jodi Picoult, or any of the other series (Hunger Games, or Divergent are two of my recent favs) I've been into lately where I can pick up, put down, pick up, put down (repeat 100 more times) until I finish it. This book in particular is full of things that are really challenging for my heart. It's almost uncomfortable because it makes me think about the spaces in time when I am alone and how do I spend those moments?
Last night, after quite a long day with the kids, an evening of backyard redo with the hubby, and exhaustion from three pretty rough nights with multiple wake-ups from Ever, I was confronted with the thought to read or not to read as I crawled into bed around 9:00. It's almost an uncommon thing lately for Aaron to not be reading before bed, or really for a good chunk of any evening the last few weeks and I want to be the kind of person who can pick up a book too and just take even 5 minutes to see what it says.
So I did. I picked it up and to finished up the rest of chapter 2. It's all about gratitude -- eucharisteo.
Consciously choosing to be thankful to God in the midst of whatever is going on in your life. Things have been hard. Six months of not great sleep effects me like I really wish it didn't... I am a crankier, moodier, touchier, and just more tired person and I sometimes turn my back on advice like this -- be grateful, be thankful. But not last night.
I lay there in bed after reading and for the first time in a long time, I prayed. I prayed over my son and thanked God for him. I thanked God for his health, for his ever-growing curiosity. He is so strong and such a beautiful boy and I thanked God for all that I see in him and am excited to watch him become. I thanked God for my daughter, Amity. Her spirit is like a strong wind with the smell of lilacs that are currently in bloom. I thanked God for her unconditional love, even when I have had to let her tend to herself to care for her brother, or I've lost my temper and snapped at her when I've been tired and in a bad mood. I am so thankful for the little lady that she is and that even though she looks so big on the outside that she doesn't hesitate to curl up in my lap and suck on her fingers, wrap her marmie around her face, and snuggle in close to read a story together before nap and bedtime. I thanked God my kids still nap. A big thanks for that one. I am thankful that my kids go to bed easily and don't really ever put up a big fight about it. I am just extremely thankful.
Often I've found myself ignoring all the gratitude I could have or do have because I want to just complain or be heard but that gets me no where and makes me feel isolated, alone, and distant from those I love. I don't want to spend my days like that. These days - the hard ones - the easy ones - they are all so tiny in the big picture of life. And so... I realized I haven't been grateful for all I've been given and I thanked God for all the unmentionables I knew He knows.
I thanked God for my husband, Aaron. For his companionship, his little quirks that sometimes make me crazy, his devotion to our kids and our family, and for his love for me at the end of every day when he walks in - never knowing how many days it's been since I've showered or put on makeup. I thanked God that he gave me a man that cares about the stuff that really matters.
Maybe this was coincidence, but I tend to believe not, because for the first time ever last night, Everest slept through the night! As in slept from 7pm-6am! That's never happened before! Could it be because for the first time in a really long time I thanked God for him? I don't know. I'll never know. Does it make me feel like he really heard me though when I did thank him and prayed that life would become a little more manageable and that my boy would start figuring out sleep a little more? Um yes, a big yes - it does. And here I am -- sitting at the kitchen table, pumping milk for that bubba and typing away while both babes are sleeping. It's peaceful, calm, and just what I needed. I'm so glad I asked for this.
Cracking open that book again tonight. I have a feeling it will challenge me in all new ways. That's a good thing. I always have liked a good challenge.
