{being a good mom when you're really angry}

This morning was rough. The day started as usual, like most days, where the boy sleeps in, the girl is up and jumping on us by 6:30am. She was especially wired and we had to retreat to the basement after 30 minutes of trying to play quietly. This allowed momma to get some editing done, and Ami Lou to get out her wiggles without constantly being reminded to calm down or to please play more quietly. Sometimes I wonder if those words even mean anything to kids. ;)

I was trying to multitask and be productive with photography, but also sell some items online I'm no longer using and we need to purge to help make our space a little less chaotic. Elated, I found someone interested in buying my newborn poser for 1/2 of what I bought it new + a blanket I've used for lots of shoots to go with it. We confirmed that she'd come pick it up this Saturday. Woohoo! While I was on a roll selling stuff, I thought - might as well list a few other items we've been talking about.

In a matter of about 10 minutes my whole demeanor changed. I went from feeling happy, productive, and proud that we were going to declutter and make some mullah, to anger, frustration, and sadness. Girly had decided it would be fun to catapult off the futon onto the poser (the one I just virtually committed to sell and was in practically mint condition) and due to her impact it now has a 5 inch split in the leather on the bottom and packing peanuts started to spill out.

Oh man. I was so tempted to scream.

Here's the conversation in my head "Are you kidding me? What the heck were you thinking? I JUST SOLD THAT!! This is super frustrating and I'm soooo mad at you? This is why we can't have nice things! Agghghhghghghg."

Thankfully I just left the room to calm down and think through what I really wanted to communicate to her which sounded something like this. "Mommy is really frustrated. Do you know why? (wait for answer) Sometimes when we mess up it's the best thing to apologize and help make it better. It's our jobs to try to take the best care of the things we have but sometimes we make mistakes and things can get broken. I understand that and I love you."

We then duct taped it together. I'll write the photographer later today asking if she'll take it still for 1/2 of what we had agreed on.

Am I still frustrated? Yes. Am I still pretty angry? Yes. But is it worth demeaning Ami or continually making her feel bad for an honest mistake? No. Never.

Sigh. So today I will work to remind myself that I have lots of opportunity today to show her love and to choose forgiveness. Her heart and her knowledge of my love for her far outweigh the frustration of making less money than I had planned.