I'm learning each day to define what is awesome about my life right now in a new way and that is extremely intentional on my part. I could find a dozen reasons why my days aren't awesome or how they are sometimes mundane, lonely, filled with tantrums, and the opposite in my mind of what I want them to be and what I pictured 20, 10, 5 years ago -- and even 5 hours ago!
Amity has been testing my patience to the max lately and argues about naps, food, sitting on the counter, wiping her tush, you name it. We could dance in a power struggle some days every 15 minutes. But I won't. I refuse to let negativity seep into my day and her day and suck all life from it. Sometimes we just need space from each other (since we're basically the same person at different points in life you know), and that is a blessing. Getting that though and helping her understand that she may need that too can be tough. This whole parenting thing that goes on 24/7 - truthfully is just plain hard. It's hard to redefine awesome. It's hard to keep doing the work of a momma when I just want to have 5 minutes where everyone is awesome and happy (and really I want a WHOLE day of that).
What has been key for me in transforming my thoughts is my tribe. Momma tribes exist everywhere and if you're not part of one and you're a momma to little ones, in my mind it is the KEY to sanity and camaraderie. I just can't do this alone, and I don't want to.
By exposing my vulnerabilities, the tricky parenting fields I'm navigating to my friends, I find out that I'm totally not alone and that they TOO are choosing to find the awesome within the chaos. For them, it can also mean sleepless nights, or babies that will not be put down for any length of time and their biceps are probably going to fall off. My tribe shares stories of embarrassing fits that make them leave stores, restaurants, and playdates. I am not alone.
We are all in this together. I could wallow in the moments that didn't go well or set my sights on the ones that made my heart soar and help me fulfill this calling of shaping, forming, and molding these young people hearts with tenderness and love as much as I'm able to give it. I'll choose the latter today --- and hopefully tomorrow too.
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Moments of joy and awesome today so far:
* Amity jumped right in the middle of the action at Storytime and created extra room in an overcrowded group to allow a little boy room to hold onto the parachute at the end.
* Everest ate 3/4 of a banana, 1/2 a granola bar, 1/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich, and 5 goldfish all before noon and was a peach because of a full tummy
* Ever loved jumping while I lifted him up and down until my shoulders ached during the storytime songs
* Amity spelled out her name as we read her "Lost My Name" book and identified the letters as we went along
* They played together in their little kitchen without a peep or argument for 10 straight minutes
* I got in my workout and a quick shower before our day officially began
* Both of them are napping for the moment and I'm having a moment to blog which feels oh so good.
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