{balance}

Trying to find a way to keep all the things in my head in order, accomplish all that I've set out to do for the day, while being a fun, attentive, and compassionate mom, not to mention the chef of the home, who wears her jeans at least 2 days a week instead of sweats or yoga pants, and makes time to genuinely listen to what's going on in my husband's life/work, is just as hard as it is to break this sentence up so it's not so incredibly long and definitely qualifying as a run on without a doubt.

Balance.

I'm not too great at it.

I'm trying to get back into a workout routine now that bubba is 6 months old, summer is right around the corner, and I want to feel great in summer dresses and shorts. I tried to workout twice today already and both times kiddos woke from their naps (opposite kiddo each time) and it had to be put on hold. I'm still in the world of pumping almost exclusively now as Ever has refused to nurse even at the 3am feed the last 3 nights and first thing in the morning when he wakes up. Pumping takes up 20-30 minutes of every nap, leaving me very little time to get that workout in as well as all the other to-dos: laundry, dishes, picking up, wiping down the bathroom, getting dinner prepped and in the oven, taking the dog out, and the list goes on.

When I left teaching I left feeling pretty defeated. I felt like teaching was truly a profession where there is always more work to do or be done. You can never really be all caught up until that lovely day in June when the room gets locked for 2+ months. Being a mom and considering that my main "job" though is very much the same.

A lot of friends and family members have told me that all the little chores can wait, that it's ok to leave things messy, because tending to kids is a huge job all on its own and there will be a time when they are older and the chores and such will get done and easier. I both find this comforting and really challenging. Of course if Amity wants to play or do a puzzle together and the only thing I was going to do otherwise was the dishes, I should choose to hang out with my daughter. Often that's the choice I make. However, there's something to me (maybe still the teacher in me) that likes to have the list in my head somewhat checked off for the day. In teaching the principal gives you continual feedback, teammates give you feedback, and you are constantly able to know where you measure up, what areas to improve, what areas you're doing great at and you can relax about. Motherhood leaves me longing for that. Of course Aaron tells me I'm doing a great job but there's no written form at the end of each day giving me constructive feedback or criticism on all the other jobs that come with being a mom. So sometimes, I want to tell Ami that right now I really need to do the dishes and a lot of times that is true - dishes need to be done so we have something to eat dinner on and breakfast the next day...

It's also a way for me to take a moment and do the things I think I need to be doing since I'm home. Taking care of the home and the kids. Saying to myself, "I'll find time to work out and read for myself when Aaron is home." Truthfully though, it's really tough. It's tough after a day of kiddos since 6am to be motivated at all to go burn off some calories after 5pm and usually it's likely to be closer to 8pm.

So how do I balance that? How do I make time to take care of me and focus on the things I want to do for my health and well being, but still manage to get everything else done?

My friend Jolene would tell me to make a list and get all this stuff outta my head and on paper. I think that's a good first start. Crossing off a list always makes me feel accomplished and is easy to analyze at the end of the day... but the struggle is making time for writing the list in the first place.

Hmmmm... maybe I'll try getting up at 5/5:30 and see if getting things in before the kiddos/hubby wake up might be helpful. I'll think on that and maybe move in that direction.

Any thoughts on balance that I can incorporate?