Why is that the hardest thing for me as a mom sometimes but it never steers me wrong? The last few days, I've set aside my type A personality a whole heck of a lot and ignored the clock. I know what you're thinking... Kim? Ignoring the schedule in her head? Heaven must be on its way, but alas -- it is true. I have watched Ever like never before. I have watched his hunger cues like I did when I held him that first week and was just getting to know his tiny face, chubby fingers, and soft skin. What amazes me is that if I had stuck to my thought of "don't feed him but every 3.5-4 hours because he's old enough now to take a good feed at those times and if he eats more often then he'll be a snacker and I'll be up forever or never get him on any sort of routine," I would not have known that sometimes he's hungry (like a beast even) at 2.5 hours and other times can wait over 4 for his next bottle.
I'm in the world of the pumping mommas now and all but am hooked to a milk machine and listening to sound of the drone except for nursing little man when he first wakes up and if he wakes in the middle of the night. This is due to a decision recommended by our pediatrician and the lactation nurse at the hospital we delivered at simply because little Ever is too busy to actually get the hind milk from momma and won't nurse without fighting or for more than 5-10 minutes. So, taking this approach to watching my baby, I decided I'd get all that milk to him through bottles and move them around as he watches the world, smiles at his sister delightfully, and just go with it. Is it a little inconvenient? Yes, truthfully it totally is. Is it becoming a little more of a thing and just how we roll? Definitely. That's ok. This won't be my life forever or his for that matter. Before he knows it, he'll be drinking Fresca with his big sis out of "big kid" cup and laughing about how fun it is. *tear*
The true benefit from doing bottles? I know exactly how much milk this kid is getting now and that to me is a blessing.
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This excerpt from One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp left me in a very contemplative spot last night and I want to remember this so I'm going to type it out here:
"Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world. When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us? The clouds open when we mouth thanks" (p. 58)
This is true in my life, and I've seen it work miraculously. When I have stayed in the darkness, let it penetrate who I am and what I am about, even for an afternoon -- people I love are affected, people I encounter are affected, and no one can see the joy I really do have for so many things I have been given. I wonder if when I focus so much on myself, this also is part of the problem. When I wrap up my world around me and don't bother to see that my life will never be just about me, I miss the big picture and miss out on a lot of amazing joy in my days.
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Today I took the kids to the garden center and we picked out two different kinds of ground cover plants: Blue Star Creeper and Elfin Thyme. Amity was so extremely excited to pick them out, help push the cart back to the car, and welcome them into our backyard project space. She delights so much in the beauty of nature, the smell of the seasons, and the feel of getting dirty and being a part of the outdoors. We rushed home before the afternoon storm hit and I got the kids both down (hallelujah) for their naps and got the little guys all planted around our recently reworked patio area for the trashcan and grill to be housed.
I am thankful for the rain.
I am thankful for the smell the rain leaves behind for the rest of the afternoon.
I am thankful for my daughter's laugh.
I am thankful for new life in the form of green leaves.
I am thankful it's spring.
Doing small things like we did today by heading out to see friends this morning, accepting a 30 minute nap from Everest afterward, and making the most of some extra time to head to the garden center was refreshing. It really was good for my soul instead of trying to get him to nap longer and missing the signal from him that he was in fact hungry (he downed 6.5 oz after that 30 min nap!). This weekend is bound to be great and I'm so excited to share in some of these sweet moments with Aaron too.
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